Life update: failed adoption.

Baby boy was born yesterday. The expectant mom we were matched with 4.5 months ago decided to parent.

My husband preached a (fantastic) sermon on how to respond to trials on Sunday, and the next day we received the opportunity to live it out to the glory of God. My close friend asked me on Monday what I was feeling. “Sadness?” I told her. “I don’t know if that’s the right word. It feels more like grief.” And then I realized… that’s exactly what we are feeling. Grief. We have uneasy questions with no answers – “Will he love Jesus one day?” “Will he end up in the foster system?” “Will his basic needs be met?” We do not have closure.

“For the Lord God is our sun and our shield. He gives us grace and glory. The Lord will withhold no good thing from those who do what is right.”
Psalm‬ ‭84:11‬

Although it’s really hard to see right now, we trust that God’s Word is true. If it was best that this sweet baby boy enter our forever family, then God would give that to us / him. But it was not best. We look past what we see and look at the unseen: God is good, and everything He does is good (Psalm 119:68). He is worthy of trust.

Our adoption failed. But God has not failed us.

The word that keeps coming to me is UNFAILING. Psalm and after psalm, song after song: God’s love is unfailing. We are grieving a child that we’ve never met and was never ours. Our hearts ache with longing and loss. But we are choosing to lift our empty arms in worship to Christ our King.

I count on one thing
The same God that never fails
Will not fail me now
You won’t fail me now
In the waiting
The same God who’s never late
Is working all things out
You’re working all things out
Yes I will lift You high in the lowest valley
Yes I will bless Your name
Oh, yes I will, sing for joy when my heart is heavy
All my days, oh yes I will

I will write more on the topic of failed adoptions at a later date. But for now, I look to the hope I have in Christ that there is no painful circumstances wasted in the hands in our good Father.

Lord my God, I called to You for help, and You healed me… weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.”
Psalm 30:2, 5b NIV

failed adoption