Where can a dead man go?
A question with an answer only dead men know
But I’m gonna bet they never really feel at home
If they spent a lifetime learning how to live in Rome*

The phrase “when in Rome, do as the Romans do” has its roots in advice given by Ambrose, bishop of Milan, to Augustine in the late 4th century AD. Augustine had just moved to Milan to take on the role as a professor and discovered that the church he attended did not fast on Saturdays as his previous church in Rome did.

Ambrose advised Augustine, “When I go to Rome, I fast on Saturday, but here I do not. Do you also follow the custom of whatever church you attend, if you do not want to give or receive scandal?”

Traditions in culture can be diverse even among those who have the same country of origin, even down to the subculture of lifestyles. Customs on what is and is not socially appropriate can depend on a variety of factors including economic class and value systems.

On February 3, 2010, I checked myself into residential treatment. I was struggling with addiction to sin. This addiction had taken over my life for over a decade, increasing in intensity and destruction with every passing year. The abyss was so deep that I could not get out, no matter how hard I tried through anonymous support groups and therapy. I had gotten to such a deep level of despair that I wanted to end my life. You can read the full story in the “About” section of this website.

The addictions may vary, but no matter the “sin of choice,” the addicts’ experiences are similar. Instead of joy, there is dark depression. Instead of peace, there is suffocating anxiety. Nothing will give me relief from my darkness except… it. Compromise everything for it. Lie to get to it. Burn every bridge, no matter the relationship, because people just stand in the way of you getting what you want. The only people who are in your life are the ones that aid your values. Addiction is the epitome of an idol over-promising and under-delivering. A life filled with self-loathing and desperation. Pleading and crying out, “Save me from myself!” And then returning to the very thing you want to be saved from, mistaking it for a savior. This is the culture of addiction.

When in Rome, do as the Romans do.

As I was starting the road of recovery from a life-dominating sin, I found that other addicts are the ones that I related most to. When I graduated from the residential treatment program I mentioned earlier, I was very clumsy in following Jesus and wanted to surround myself with others who were going through the same thing, i.e. other addicts. After all, they are the ones whom I could share what I was struggling with and not be met with a bewildered gaze that said, “My only exposure to that is in a Lifetime movie.” I didn’t want to relate with others whose prayer requests and struggles seemed, from my perspective, pathetic in comparison to my gnarly, intense daily war against my sin nature.

Oh how foolish this thinking is!

“In our battles with sin, we need a team of people. We need teachers to help us understand Scripture, prophets to help us apply it, interceders to pray for us, preachers to focus our eyes on Christ, encouragers to remind us of God’s grace when we feel like failures, wise men and women to discern when we are making foolish decisions, and people of faith to tell us that everything God has said is true in Christ. In other words, God’s gifts to us are people – not just one person, but the church. This is how Christ meets us. The reason we need so many people is that we need Christ Himself. Since His glory and gifts are so immense, we need many people, not just an individual person.” -Ed Welch, Addictions: A Banquet in the Grave: Finding Hope in the Power of the Gospel

The world says that if you struggle with addiction, “your people” are fellow addicts and the way to success is to surround yourself with others walking the same road. I disagree. If you are walking in recovery, you have more in common with your brothers and sisters in Christ who may have never been addicted to anything, rather than to others who have been through addictions. Fighting against sin is very messy, especially if you have lived in a depth of sin that requires residential treatment. But we need to surround ourselves with other believers who can link arms in prayer with us and teach us a new culture… Jesus’ culture.

It’s time to stop living in Rome. Our people is the body of Christ – including but not limited to recovering addicts.

If you are a believer saved by grace and seeking to repent from a life of addiction, your choices now are extremely impactful for the fight against down the road. I am thinking of the many women who have graduated from places like Vision of Hope Residential Treatment Center (for women) or Restoration Ministries (for men), where you graduate with a firm footing against self-destructive behaviors and have been given many, many tools on how to live a life of victory over sin. Here is my advice to you –

1. Become a member of a local Bible-preaching, gospel proclaiming church. Start serving. Ask your service pastor where the need is and fill it.
2. Read your Bible every single day. Every day!

The only way for your sin to look ugly is for Jesus to become more beautiful to you. As the scales fall from your eyes, His glory will change your desires. We need to surround ourselves with other believers who are pursuing the glory of God in their lives — including but not limited to recovering addicts.

“We all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.” 2 Corinthians 3:18

*Lyrics by Nickel Creek